Madison blogs - The highest of teas

They say that two things are certain in life: death and taxes. I, however, think girls’ love for their birthdays is also one of life’s great certainties. A girl’s birthday often last days, morphing into birthweeks and are characterised by multiple celebrations, new dresses, haircuts, champagne and sometimes a “it’s my party I can cry if I want to” tantrum.

Enter my weekend. It was my best friend Bianca’s birthday and in order to mark the occasion of turning 25, Bianca had planned a strict itinerary. Friday night involved drinks at a new wine bar followed by dancing. Saturday; an afternoon of high tea then another night out. The birthday crescendo, however, was the high tea. It was talked about, discussed and planned in great detail for weeks. The guest list; exclusive. Cups were printed with “High Tea with BB” followed by the catch cry “25 and lovin’ life”. The menu; well thought out. Scones, sandwiches, mini quiches and slices were allocated to appropriate people. (It’s important to note these items were to be hand-made as well. No Betty Crocker packet mixtures would be accepted.)
 
Not really taking a shine to baked goods, I decided that my role would instead require me to be Bianca’s pep-up girl. I’d help her co-ordinate all these events and try to keep birthday tantrums at bay. I felt that just being there would somehow make up for the lack of home-made red velvet cupcakes I refused to supply.

As pep-up girl I found myself in Coles on Saturday lunch time with Ali and Bianca searching for god damn breadcrumbs. Friday night’s cocktails had reduced us to tired mutes with piercing headaches and the breadcrumbs were not in aisle five like Ian (the Coles staff man) had said. In exhaustion-fuelled fits of laughter we scoured high and low for these tiny little specks of bread. The quick Coles shop had turned into an all out manhunt with each of us taking different aisles and hunting down the ingredients required for this Highest of teas. In the process other items not on the list managed to find their way into the trolley. A Sweet Chilli Mozzarella Tear ‘n’ Share, an Asian cuisine frozen banquet and half-eaten corn chips were just some of the not needed food that found refuge among our groceries.
 
One hour later, as we put the items through the checkout I began to find solace in the fact this ordeal was nearly over. Ali, however, interrupted my moment of peace by informing us, in her loudest voice, that she’d forgotten the butter and flour. Two somewhat irreplaceable ingredients when cooking a lemon tart. Bianca and I felt that it’d be better to wait with the groceries while Ali ventured back in.

Leaving the maze we passed a green grocer with 89 cent whole watermelons out the front. I turned to Bianca, “next time I’m on sliced watermelon.” She, still mute, simply nodded.

So, back to this lemon tart. Ali had never made one before and thought that now was a great time to experiment. In hindsight, maybe it wasn’t. After reading the recipe we realised the pastry needed to chill in the fridge for 30 minutes. Why it was allowed to chill when we had so much to do, I did not know. Plus the guests were set to arrive during the amount of time the pastry wanted to chill for. The only thing to do: fast track this pastry nap and bake a non-chilled base. Five hours into the party the lemon tart decided to join us to a highly anticipated crowd. I’m no Manu, but Ali, it was a good first attempt.

Despite my important pep-up role I felt it rude coming empty handed, so I plated up some coloured popcorn and the half-eaten corn chips. Ali was outraged that these were going to be included on the perfectly planned high tea menu. I, however, was more optimistic and thought my additions brought a fresh, modern take to the classical high tea. I went a step further with this modern innovation and paired a block of Coon Tasty with some Sakatas.

Our friends arrived, the spread was amazing and Bianca was no longer mute.

I was telling Ash about the trial that was Coles. Her response: “At least you haven’t been to Maroubra.” Maroubra is a good one and a half hour round trip from Ash’s place. I had to know why this trip was necessary. A month earlier, Ash explained, she had received an email alerting her to a deal for half-priced balloon arrangements. Yes, six balloons down from $60 to $30. Thinking she’d score herself high tea brownie points, Ash couldn’t say no. The morning of high tea she re-read the fine print and her and her boyfriend were soon on a road trip heading east. Even with the cost of petrol Ash still maintains she got a deal and Bianca can’t stop laughing at the corner that is now home to the gold helium ensemble.

The 72 hours that was Bianca’s birthday is now over. And I’m exhausted. Lucky her birthday only comes three times a year.

Eliza Cracknell is madison’s senior sub-editor.